So I’ve been a bum lately and not written anything…sorry. At first, I had nothing exciting to write about. And I still don’t…well, not really. But I’ve observed a few more things about bullriders over the past couple weeks and thought I’d pass my great scientific observations along (in no particular order). Oh, and all bullriders have been given nicknames to protect their identities.
1. You give a bullrider a cool little battery operated chainsaw, and they will trim every tree on your property—even if it means crawling on the roof and swinging from tree to tree to do it. Ok, I made up the part about swinging from tree to tree, but 50 Shades *did* crawl up on the roof to trim the trees around the house.
Crazy Little Annie: I got so twitterpated trying to comment on this I forgot what my Annie name was. 50 does manual labor?
Platinum Annie: Yard (manual) work never looked so good. And the trimmed trees/mowed yard were nice to look at too, I suppose.
2. They will play Marco Polo in the pool for HOURS! And I suspect they might cheat as they always seemed to intrinsically know to call “fish out of water” every time Junior Ranger got out of the pool.
3. They’re just downright pretty when they dive. I guess they get lots of practice flying through the air on some of those rank PBR bulls—it translates well into jumping off the diving board. NV is quite an accomplished swimmer and impressive off the diving board. Lucky Charms just looked pretty with his jumps/twists/dives (but don’t tell him I used the word “pretty” in a sentence w/him!).
CLA: Lucky is so little. Jumps and twists come natural when you weigh 20 pounds.
Platinum Annie: To quote a famous Annie (namely you), “I just want to put him in my pocket and feed him Cheerios.”
4. After a serious poolside discussion, it was decided that sun tea was the best tea, though Lucky Charms has tried some other brewed tea thanks to his beautiful girlfriend Sunny. It was funny listening to a bunch of cowboys discussing those “fancy ‘new’ teas.” My cowboy was extolling the benefits of tea like he was a homeopathic expert. I had to go inside and get them some more tea, and by that I mean I had to go inside so they wouldn’t see me laughing at them and their conversation. I mean, seriously, I thought cowboys spent their time talking about bulls, bullriding, land, weather, women and booze. Also, they contradicted themselves. They all agreed that none of them cared for sweet tea…yet at lunch 2 of them had ordered sweet tea. And I know my cowboy adds pink stuff to his…. However, I refrained from pointing this out due to my fear of being thrown in the pool.
5. I had them sign a little bag from author Cat Johnson (Surprise Cat! Gonna be mailing that to you soon). You should have seen the interest light up in 50 Shades’ eyes when I explained what kind of books Cat wrote. They were all like “So she basically writes porn about cowboys?” “And people read that?” “Cool!!!!” “Does she need any material?” And so on and so on.
CLA: *spits Diet Coke* ummm….no comment. Hey 50…see you in Thackerville.
6. Oh, can I just insert here how I much I LOVE Texas heat. And by that I mean I love the fact that the cowboys at Rehab Ranchette & Laundromat run around shirtless about 95% of the time. God Bless Texas (hot weather)!
7. Their laundry is deceptively gargantuan. I realized this when folding Golden Child’s laundry last weekend. One load of cowboy’s folded clothes produced, like, 37 tshirts, 4 dozen pairs of socks, 2 dozen pairs of shorts, about a million bathing suits, and 3 pairs of boxers (which supports my theory that most cowboys usually go commando a majority of the time). Also, I have GOT to figure out what the obsession is with owning so many swimsuits….but that’ll have to be another blog.
CLA: do you realize how similar the size of this laundry list is to that of a toddler? Coincidence? I think not.
Platinum Annie: I never thought about this, but you’re absolutely right!!! I wonder if I switch out one of their bathing suits with GC’s 5 y/o nephew if anyone would notice. They’d probably just wear it…Can you envision 50 or Lucky in a Cars (the movie) swimsuit?
8. Bullriders start really young. My cowboy pulled out VHS tapes of the Golden Child from his younger pro-youth rodeo days. I love that my cowboy would randomly tape over stuff, so one minute we’re watching Golden Child throw a fit on Christmas morning at age 4 and then we break in with Tuff Hedeman’s youth bullriding thingee when GC was 11. And one tape labeled bullriding had some Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel taped over on it. Now my cowboy assumed it was his daughter that must’ve taped those. Given when those shows aired and the ages of his kids at the time, I suspect Golden Child *may* have taped over his own bullridings to watch Buffy. I do not know this for sure…will have to ask. But according to my math, his big sister was probably already off at college and couldn’t have taped those shows. But to give a benefit of a doubt, maybe she taped them and took them home to watch them when she wasn’t off at school. However, since Golden Child loves the Spice Girls, I don’t think it’s such a stretch that he liked Buffy.
CLA: mmmmm…David Boreanaz.
9. While bullriders have their less-than-stellar qualities, overall, I have to say they’re a great group of guys. Even though all the ones hanging at the Rehab Ranchette & Laundromat are injured, they’re trying to take care of the place. They’ve trimmed trees, mowed the yard, and got the pool looking gorgeous! They help each other out—from traveling together on the road to giving each other rides to the doctor to rehabbing in the pool (Marco Polo is very therapeutic just so you know!).
10. While certainly not always, they can be extremely thoughtful and kind. They were asking me about my daughter over the weekend (she’s deaf). NV and Lucky Charms seemed honestly interested…they didn’t seem to just be making polite conversation. I also mentioned a little cowboy I follow on FB (Tynan’s Crusade) who is battling cancer and is really sick right now. I was struck by how quick LC interrupted me with “We’re so lucky…” To paraphrase, he feels lucky because even though he hasn’t been able to get on a bull in over a year, he is still much healthier than little Tynan will ever be. NV quickly agreed with him. One of them (can’t remember who) even went on to say something to the effect of how they get to choose to ride bulls and risk the pain and suffering that can come from the injuries but kids like Tynan don’t have a choice…. I was impressed by this insight. I can also say that any cowboy in that circle who’s been around my daughter has always been kind to her and tried to communicate with her.
So while they may be rough, lewd, obnoxious twits at times, just as often they’re kind and thoughtful. Complex, contemplative creatures, these cowboys are… So basically they’re just like the rest of us. They have their ups and downs. Some of them are especially nice—others leans towards being assholes 98% of the time. But all in all, they’re just normal, regular guys. I don’t know if that’s disappointing or heartening to y’all… But it’s interesting. And as long as they keep giving me material, I’ll keep writing about them!
CLA: normal? You’re being kind.