Road-tripping, Rehab Ranch Style

Where do I start? First, I suppose I should apologize for being so delinquent in posting. But not much out of the ordinary has happened til recently. With summer approaching (read: pool is open), though, I suspect I’ll have more to write about. Last weekend I went on a road trip with My Cowboy (MC), Golden Child (GC), First Lady (FL) and my daughter. Still trying to decide on a nickname for her. As much as I’d like to call her Baby Girl (BG), after this weekend, I’m thinking Unimpressed and Diva (maybe UD) is better suited. ūüôā But I’ll get to that.

The Drive

So Friday evening was pretty quiet. Well for me anyway. I’d dropped my dog off at the vet for boarding, and was feeling quite lonely there at the¬†real¬†ranch. Let me explain…Rehab Ranch is located in the DFW area. There are always various assorted bullriders staying there at any given moment. The *real* working ranch is located about 40 minutes from Waco. After I got off work Friday, I headed over to the ranch to wait for everyone to get there. First Lady arrived first (naturally). ūüôā Poor thing drove in a horrid rainstorm and was drenched. Even worse, she had to listen to me talk her ear off because I was trying to keep my mind off my dog (1st time I’ve ever been separated from her) so I was horribly chatty. But she was as gracious as a real First Lady, so she let me rattle on while we waited. Our cowboys, MC and GC were in Paris (TX) at a bullriding. The original plan was to leave and head south as soon as they got in from the bullriding. Yeah right. They got in at 2:30 a.m. And after they got in, exhausted & sweaty & gross, they had to go out and find a calf. A cow had gotten separated from her baby during the bad storm and was bawling like crazy. So these 2 tired cowboys grabbed flashlights, got in the mule and took off searching. They eventually got the baby back to its mama and crashed around 3-3;30 a.m. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I read my library book (yes, I’m a nerd.). After a few hours sleep, we all got up and were on the road by 7 a.m. ¬†We were headed to Orchard, TX for an Exclusive Genetics shindig. GC spoke to potential buyers about a deal EG had come up with….they had 3 bulls from Carillo Cartel and people had the opportunity to buy an interest in the bulls. The bulls will be sent to RP ranch and GC will raise them. We didn’t get to stay very long because we had to head to Uvalde and the weather was bad. ¬†Junior Ranger(JR) ¬†was sending us updates on the roads. JR and NV and a yet un-nicknamed new Rehab Rancher were sitting in traffic waiting for water to recede so they could get to the bullriding. After driving¬†forever in the rain and after mentally contemplating whether we needed an ark or not, the weather finally subsided! Yay! We stopped in some town long enough for me to say “screw the diet” and get a Dairy Queen ice cream cone and to switch drivers. FL is the best backup driver ever, by the way. ¬†This is the sign we saw as we drove through Hondo:

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God Bless Texas!! Once I saw that sign, I knew we were in the homestretch and almost there. We finally rolled into Uvalde and got to check into the hotel and spend a whole 15 minutes relaxing until we had to head to the arena.

Round 1

We pulled up in back of the arena and parked where the riders and stock contractors all park. We had to sit around for a few minutes because GC only got one companion pass for the evening. I’m not much for waiting around doing nothing, but in this case it was ok. We got to see other riders as they pulled in and got to chat with them. MC and GC got to talk to JW about the BIG BET (w/Bushwacker) coming up. A lot of teasing and ribbing was going on with that… ¬†Anyway, 50 came up and gave all of us girls big hugs. I love it when the guys are nice to my daughter (the Unimpressed Diva, UD). She’s deaf, but that doesn’t stop any of these guys from trying to communicate with UD. ¬†I couldn’t help ¬†but grin and think to myself how many girls/women would LOVE to have 50 give them a big hug and how my daughter was completely unimpressed. ha! 50 and a couple other riders had made the trip alone, so we ended up with their companion passes and walked around to the front to enter after saying goodbye and good luck to the guys.

The arena was “fully covered” as JR described and pretty nice. But it was H-O-T. Ugghh. Oh well, such is the life… We got our seats and then one of the riders’ better half (BH) showed up with their son (love that kid!) and we all got ready to watch some bullriding. The event was good….except that GC had a piece o’ crap bull and didn’t even have a shot at riding it. He bucked off but other Rehab Ranchers represented well. After the event, the organizers of the event fed us all barbeque sandwiches—soooo yummy! Then we headed back to the hotel. Now I know some people think that bullriders always go out and party afterwards, and they all have individual rooms at the hotel. ¬†This may be the case to some extent at the Big Time, but at this touring pro’s….yeah, not so much. They cram as many people into a room as possible. And after everyone drove through hell and high water (quite literally) to get there, NO ONE wanted to go out. lol I think we were all in bed and unconscious before 11 Saturday night. I know our crew was!

Sunday before the bullriding

On Sunday, MC, UD and I had breakfast fairly early. UD tried to go swimming for awhile, but it started raining. Again. <sigh> So UD and I commandeered the remote control from MC (a great feat, I assure you) and we watched ghost story shows on cable (it’s a weird bonding thing that my daughter and I do). MC took a nap. We eventually had to check out of the hotel but had several hours to kill. Being in Uvalde MC said “well, we really *should* eat Mexican food while we’re here…this close to the border.” So once again I blow my diet and say to heck with it! Our waittress at the restaurant knew very little English–always a good sign! The food was pretty darn tasty. ¬†Afterwards, MC decided to take us on a drive to see some the infamous “Hill Country.” Oh my!!! Sooooo pretty!!!

We drove for about 40 minutes and then stopped and got out at the Rio Frio. It is a very aptly named river. It was freezing cold! I waded out to my knees and drug UD in with me. She did not appreciate my enthusiasm for the river. <ughh, teenagers!>

riofrio

So we continued onward. I asked MC if we could stop somewhere so I could use the restroom but he conveniently didn’t hear me. After making a few more unladylike remarks (“I gotta peeeeee. NOW!), he stops. I had made the mistake of saying I wouldn’t mind doing the hop-a-squat thing I had to go so bad. Sooooooo…..here’s where he stops:

hopasquat2

Stunning view!!! Absolutely breathtaking. But ladies, do we see anyplace for me to do my business? Nope, not there. So I looked across the road:

roadside

Very pretty….but nary a bush in sight for me find any privacy behind. <sigh>

So we get back on the road. The drive was so gorgeous. Well, what I could see of it….my eyes were tearing up terribly because I needed to go so bad. After MC passed 2 towns and several stores, he finally stoped in the middle of nowhere to go into this shop that sells summer sausage and jerky. I sprang out of the truck and almost hurtled a store employee to get to the bathroom. ¬†After I finished up, I explored the shop a little. It was a neat place, and the staff was awesome. They gave us generous samples of this sausage stuff that was just delicious. As we checked out, I spied a baggie with “fire”-crackers in it. I looked at the cashier and said “Oh my! Are those firecrackers?” He said “yes ma’am.” I quickly snatched a bag up, saying “trust me, we HAVE to have some.” MC looked at me like I was slightly crazy but bought them for me anyway. ūüôā (He’s good like that.) So after getting on the road, he was like “what’s the big deal?” I just handed him one and let his taste buds do the rest. (I’ll post the recipe at the end of this blog. Trust me, you’ll love these.)

We then meandered along the back roads listening to classic country music, chatting about random favorite memories and enjoying the scenery. It was my idea of a perfect afternoon! We eventually got back to the arena and then waited for FL and BH. FL already had our companion passes for the night (cuz she’s awesome like that) so we went in and braced ourselves for the heat and round 2 of bullriding.

Round 2

I am not sure why round 2 seemed so much longer than round 1, but I swear it lasted 37 hours. JR and the announcer both did awesome jobs filling in the gaps and keeping things going. If it wasn’t for JR’s musical selections, I may have fallen asleep at some parts. Not during the riding, of course. There was just a lot of dead time between sections. ¬†Here is UD portraying how she felt about the heat and sitting there in it:

notimpressed

She was NOT IMPRESSED. At this point, she wanted air conditioning and to go home. And this was taken BEFORE the event. Poor kid! Oh well, she toughed it out like the trooper she is and we settled down to watch the event.

Once again, the Rehab Ranchers represented. Unfortunately GC bucked off again. He seemed very frustrated. Which normally I would not think is a good thing. However, given his bet to ride Bushwacker, I think his frustration may be a good thing–he can take all that out on B-wack next weekend. Anyway, the bullriding was good…and then it was over. We all hung around for a bit afterwards chatting with different guys. MC broke out the summer sausage and everyone munched away. I had saved the last 3 firecrackers for FL and she chose not to share more than a bite with GC. hahaha ¬†Once again, JW, GC and MC gathered to discuss the Big Bet.

bettinmen

I think they were discussing how JW was going to pay out – in 100s, 20s or nickels (as JW teasingly threatened on twitter later).

Driving Home

The guys finally quit chatting (they’re worse than a buncha junior high girls) and we got back on the road for the 5 hour drive home, leaving around 8ish. MC was listening to a classic country station that was doing a tribute for Memorial Day. The station was playing patriotic songs from the 50s forward. MC was entertaining us with stories of receiving his own draft notice and going through basic. We stopped once again at a different Dairy Queen. And yes, I once again said screw the diet and got a blizzard after eating my food. It was so delicious! We got back on the road, and MC continued to tell us stories about the songs that came on the radio. The highlight of the drive home happened when Kate Smith’s “God Bless America” came on the radio. MC made a point to tell us that they always used to say “it must be over…the fat lady’s singing” when he would hear this song as a young man <sigh>. ¬†The highlight, though, happened as MC started singing in an overly dramatic falsetto. GC joined in. Then FL and I joined in just for the heck of it. So there we all are….singing at the top of our lungs in terrible falsetto. And then my *deaf* daughter shakes her head and starts messing with her ears like something is bothering her. While our falsetto voices were not high frequency enough to crack glass, we were apparently high frequency enough to traumatize my deaf child. lol!! ¬†Poor UD!!! (Guess you probably had to be there to appreciate the moment.)

We eventually made it back after having to stop before Waco and let FL drive. I couldn’t keep my eyes open…neither could MC apparently, so the switch was made. FL got us home safely and I think we all fell asleep before our heads hit the pillow!!! It was about 2-2:30ish.

End Notes

Road-tripping was fun, but sheesh, we were worn out! We did NOTHING the next day. The life of a bullrider on the road going from touring pro to touring pro is sooooo not glamorous. So if any of ya’ll were thinking that is was, think again. It was an absolute whirlwind! It was fun, but furiously quick. I have a whole new respect for these guys. Maybe it’s easier on them because they’re younger, but I’m telling ya’ll, this sort of travel every weekend will make a person bone-weary. MC, GC and FL are off at a PRCA rodeo this weekend where GC is hauling bulls, not riding. I sat this one out. I’m still recovering from last weekend!!! ¬†Hopefully I’ll write more now that summer is starting and, in theory, I have more time. We’ll see! Until then, make you some “fire”-crackers!

“Fire”-crackers – ¬†I made a whole batch of these on Monday. Mine were even better than those we bought. ūüôā

Saltines (I used 3 sleeves) – can be regular, whole wheat, reduced fat….whatever, they all taste good w/this recipe

1 to 1 1/2 cup oil (I used just 1 cup of olive oil since we’re trying to be a little healthier)

1 packet ranch dressing mix

1 tsp each:  garlic powder, onion powder

1/2 tsp: black pepper

3 tbsp crushed red pepper (I used a little more cuz I like it hot!)

Grab either a large ziploc bag OR in a big plastic container with a good lid (I used a the plastic container I normally put my banana pudding in because we were out of ziploc bags). Pour the oil in and then all the seasonings. If you’re using a ziploc, shake it up well. If you’re using a plastic container, mix it up with a fork/spoon/whatever. Next, load it up with crackers. If using the bag, shake away. If using a plastic container, flip it up and down and side to side. Either way, make sure all the crackers are coated well. In theory, shake it up every 15 minutes and serve after an hour.

In reality, I barely got them all coated before MC and I were munching on them. I served them with slices of sharp cheddar and the leftover summer sausage. It was so unbelievably good. And easy. And we like easy at Rehab Ranch! Enjoy!!!

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Adventures of Platinum Annie – the Ranch Hand….Ole!

popgun

(Popgun from the Ruthless Pistol Ranch.)

I was so proud that My Cowboy and I got the 2 young bulls loaded pretty easily this morning and got them to the vet and back without too much drama. I was finally starting to think I may be getting the hang of this ranch hand stuff. And THEN My Cowboy (MC) had to go and say “hey, let’s drive those bulls up and pen them before we go eat.” I started having flashbacks to a few months ago when we attempted to do the same thing and I failed MISERABLY at it.

So I mentally steeled myself and off we went to drive the bulls up to the pen. The bulls were in a 2 acre enclosure that has a big stock pond in it (just some background info here). Long story short…after several failed attempts–the bulls kept basically running a circle around the pond, we split up. MC walked and I drove the mule and we tried to cut them off. That didn’t work. I don’t drive as aggressively as MC would like me too apparently. So then he came and grabbed the wheel & started driving over bumps really fast. I didn’t saw anything, just gave him a look. He said “hey, if you don’t like how I drive, you can just get out.”

Soooo…..there I am, in the middle of the pasture in my cheap Walmart flats that are covered in bullshit. I’m wearing my bright red sweater and wishing for some midol & a heating pad. Sorry, I know that’s way TMI, but ¬†those that work with male animals will understand why I mentioned this. Soooo anywho…..I saw Death again (see my facebook post about Crazy Jack). Only this time Death was several bulls. Instead of hightailing it anywhere else but where I was, I froze. Mentally I was thinking up my backup plan–to jump in the stock tank and start swimming. Mind you, I don’t know how to swim. But that’s the only plan B I could come up with on short notice.

Popgun is the lead bull running at me and I’m sitting here thinking “I can’t believe I’m going to die in cheap Walmart flats…I hope Crazy Annie drives down here and puts me in some 5″ heels before they do the autopsy.” ¬†I feebly put up my hands out in front of me and said something brilliant like “Shoo….bad bull, bad bullies….” ¬†And you know what? They went around me! Yay!!! ¬†I’m a GREAT matador right? ¬†Ole!!! OK, so MC’s driving behind the bulls turning them off course so they didn’t run me down *might* have had something to do with my escape from Death. But let me have my moment please. ¬†MC also wasn’t too thrilled about all this because he wanted me to turn the bulls around and head them towards the pen. Yeah right.

Anyway, he then tells me to hop in the mule, so I did. I didn’t argue about his driving this time. We then had a *great* discussion about our strategy. Right. MC really just spouted off stuff I didn’t understand or couldn’t hear over the pounding of my own heart and the mule’s motor. Somehow, and I don’t even remember how, I ended up on foot again. ¬†And again the bulls headed in their circle around the stock pond towards me.

This time I asked myself, “WWSD?–What Would Shorty Do?” SHORTY(Shorty Gorham is a professional bullfighter for any of you who may not be familiar with PBR. He’s my fave!) ¬†I started waving my hands back and forth and talking smack to Popgun. I was also moving side to side with that little sideways 2 step that bullfighters and idiots like me like to do. MC said I almost looked like I knew what I was doing….for a couple of seconds. High praise.

Popgun and crew still got by me that time, but I was getting the hang of it. I was also getting ticked and cranky from the pms. So the next time they came around, I had my hands on my hips (mad-mama style) and yelled at the bulls. They stood there and looked at me like I was an alien from another planet. I told them they needed to behave or I was going to have them on the grill tonight for dinner with a glass of wine. I boldly told them I wasn’t taking anymore of their crap.

Lo and behold, they actually shuffled off to the pen!!!!!!!!!! Do I totally rock or what???? Ok, ok, so *maybe* the bulls were just friggin’ exhausted from so many trips around the stock pond and *maybe* it had something to do with MC behind them shuffling them along. ¬†But let’s let me have another moment. Ole!

MC ran up and slammed the pen’s gate after the last one shuffled over there and I thought “I wonder if hydrocodone AND alcohol would kill me?” Oh wait? Did I write that out loud? I mean, I thought “Gosh, MC and I are working hard and learning how to work as a team finally.” Right. Honestly, I actually¬†thought “How soon can I get out of this place? I want my heating pad! But not til after lunch. MC owes me lunch for all this work by golly!”

MC still had to sort the bulls in the pens but I just sat on another trailer and supervised. And by supervised, I mean I just watched with my phone ready to dial 911 if the bulls ran him over. I was so done.

In the end, I finally got my “free lunch” and headed home. I am now relaxing with a glass of wine, a heating pad and some cookie dough. Don’t judge.

Prince wrote a song about it…

And no, I ain’t talking about Darling Nikki! Since I’ve NEVER been called that. But this one, right here…wanna hear it, here it go…

Platinum Annie and I have discussed Pussy Control (not the song, the actual thing) quite a bit this week. The lesson of the day (#LOTD) today is, never underestimate the power of the pussy. It can do many magical things. It can get men to participate in a woman’s scheme unknowingly, it can cause a man to show up somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be until the next day or stay in a relationship that makes me want to bang my ¬†head up against a wall…basically it can cause a man to go desperate and stupid. Without knowing it. And it’s AWESOME. But we’ve not always been aware, or at least open, about this. You know, about sex. And that we like it. And we use it.

We are all familiar with the Sexual Revolution that started in the 60s and continued into the 80s. And of course there is Women’s Lib and feminist movements that have morphed along generations. Although this has been an integral part of women’s history, there is still room for improvement in many areas. I’m not going to get into salary differences and the long list of other double standards. I am just talking about sexuality in general. And in my personal opinion, nothing did more for modern-day women being open about their sexuality than Sex and the City. Between the words that came out of Samantha’s mouth and the Rabbit making its appearance, it was ON.

Now fast forward to 2012.

I am fully convinced this is the year men must accept that we are just as filthy as they are. And we are much smarter about it.

I do not want to get into an¬†argument¬†over 50 Shades here, as that’s not what we’re here for and we like to keep things happy, happy, happy. But I personally loved it and much like when SATC was new, women are talking again…and talking dirty.

And today? Today is opening day of Magic Mike. And we are taking out 50 Shades of Filthy right to the box office. I’ve been in the movie business for 16 years, so I know a thing or two. I know that this industry is still ran by ignorant old geezers, which means there aren’t enough prints of MM out there. They didn’t think it would do well. So, Ted will more than likely win by default based on print count, but it’s going to be extremely close.

And that?

That’s Pussy Control.

You’re welcome.¬†

You *know* I (Platinum Annie) had to weigh in on this subject:


Part of me wants to go into the fact that the sexual revolution started WAY before the 60s….We were actually not near as repressed in the 1920s as we were in the 1950s (a lot of great women’s erotica came out in the 20s). But that’s a whole other history lesson/blog. ¬†I think we’ve come far enough that SOCIETY–both men AND other women should accept our sexual revolution and embrace it this year. Unfortunately, who have I seen protest the most about “Magic Mike”—WOMEN! ¬†From what I’ve seen on FB anyway… ¬†But this is a happy place, so I won’t get into any arguments… Except for:

Seriously???? ¬†When you have the choice of watching a teddy bear take on lifelike characteristics such as drinking beer and using a public urinal OR watch hot guys take off their clothes….This seems to be a no-brainer. Those movie people need to hire Rehab Ranch as consultants.¬†And who the hell thought up this movie? Seems to me that a twisted screenwriter whose mommy locked him in the closet got a little too attached to his teddy bear, did an acid trip and came up with this plotline. And big movie people honestly think this will out-sell Magic Mike (shaking head)???? ¬†What kinda crack are they smoking?

Crazy Little Annie comment:¬† it’s from the creator of Family Guy, hence why it will do well.

Personally, I did not get into¬†50 Shades… but to each her own. I prefer the naughty novels of Cat Johnson and I’ve been told I need to download some Lorelei James ASAP. ¬†I’d like to see “Magic Mike”…don’t know if I’ll be able to or not….may just have to amuse myself watching half-naked cowboys run around instead.

Crazy Little Annie comment: hell, I read them all. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to written smut. Not ashamed.

So let me just put it out there… I am a grown woman. And I like sex. I like to read erotic novels and look at half naked men–whether on the big screen or in real life. And I’m not ashamed of it. I’d love to hear from our sister Annies and how ya’ll feel about the subject. Who’s with me?? Let’s make 2012 the Year of Women (and their Sexuality). Who else is loud and proud? Please reply.

 Crazy Little Annie comment: ooh, ooh me me! I wrote a blog about it!

Happy happy happy

As Platinum Annie can tell you, I have spent the last few weeks trying not to throw myself off of a damn building. My life is in a bit of a holding pattern right now, till the Good Lord decides to shift gears. And I’m not always okay with that, as I’m an obsessive compulsive planner (read: control freak) and I need everything to go my way. Right now.

When everything seems like it’s a disaster, it’s typically the little things in life that make you happy. I’ve noticed the past few days I must start my day with two things: Tim Hortons coffee and Ryan Bingham.

I have a sick obsession with Canada that stems from my serious hockey fandom days (high school and college). I’ve lived in Texas and California my whole life, yet have never been to Mexico, but have been to Canada…TWICE. Halifax and Calgary are two of my favorite places I’ve ever been. And Banff is just heaven on earth. During said visits I picked up a nasty habit…the Timbit. Sure, they’re just a varietal of donut holes to the average eye. But to those who’ve had them, they are crack coated balls of goodness. Yes, that’s what she said.

Timmy also has good coffee, which our girlfriend Charlene brings me every time she makes it to Tejas. She also brings me ketchup chips, which…that’s a whole other post, my friends. I recently discovered (thanks to Platinum Annie) the My K-Cup device, which allows me to use my stored up Timmy’s coffee in me Keurig (aka the greatest invention ever). This makes me happy…very happy.

And whilst sipping in my Timmy’s and driving to the sweatshop, I put on a little Bingham and life is good for seven whole miles.

“Take me to see the voodoo queen, let her put a spell on me…a¬†little bit of change will ease my pain”

XO, Crazy Little Annie

Platinum Annie:¬†¬†I couldn’t resist adding my two cents.¬†

Lots of things make me happy. Most recently, it was a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper made with Imperial Sugar:

Talk about a little slice of Heaven around 3 p.m. ¬†Perfection in a can!!! (It’s a Southern thing folks).

I have so many things/people that make me happy. I have a great cowboy in my life, the most amazing daughter to walk the planet, awesome friends, family I can count on, a new job I love and the knowledge that God loves me in spite of myself! Other things that make me extremely happy include the music of King George, my high heel collection (it’s truly fab, but that’s another blog on its own), junk food, a cold beer on a hot day, etc. ¬†But there are some intangible things….stuff you can’t exactly reach out and touch that make me happiest. First and foremost of those is the sound of my daughters giggles:

¬†L lost her hearing when she was 2 (docs don’t really know why). Even though she can’t hear herself giggle, she lives her life to the fullest and giggles happily at the simplest things–such as getting a kiss from her friend Callie. ¬†This has to be the thing that makes me happiest. I love the sound of her giggles…it’s infectious. ¬†Makes me instantly happy no matter how bad a day I’m having. Other, lesser ¬†intangible things that make me happy include bonding with characters in a good book series, the sight of freshly baled hay as I drive down the highway (ok, I could probably reach and touch them, but it’s Texas–I’d either get shot for trespassing or stroke out from the heat), the smell of rain, the sight of baby calves interacting with their mamas (again, I could probably reach out and touch the cattle, but I value my life, so let’s call it an intangible), and the peace I feel every time I’m out on the ranch riding with my cowboy while he drives the mule all around the property checking things out.

There’s so many more things that make me happy. And I’m sure ya’ll will hear about them as we go along with this blog.

This post has been part of the Happiness Is… Blog Hop hosted by Rub Some Dirt On It.

Life Lesson of the Day…

I don’t always offer life lessons but when I do…they’re usually reinforcing the obvious but with an amusing twist. Consider yourselves fairly warned.

First, I have a few admissions to make…. 1) I leave almost empty water bottles (1/3 or less) strewn throughout my vehicle. 2) Many times, I will grab one of the plethora of bottles in the morning on my way to work just to “wet my whistle”. 3) I’ll even drink out of a bottle that I’ve lost the cap too–I mean, how dirty can the water get just sitting there in the bottle overnight in my cup holder. 4) I’m not necessarily too lazy to look for a lost bottle cap–it’s just that it would be like looking for a bottle cap in the Grand Canyon of a landfill that is the makeup of the floors in my car.

Now that I’ve confessed my sins, on to my story. Sooooo….I get up this morning and am in a slight hurry–this is normal after spending the night at the ranch. It’s a half hour drive to work from there. As I’m driving I think to myself “Gosh, I really need a drink!” So I automatically reached for the my bottle in my cup holder. I was a bit suspicious of it because I was pretty sure I had¬†not lost the cap to it yet there it was sitting in all its glory–naked without a cap. ¬†As I grab the bottle, I felt like I was moving in slow motion. Out of the corner of my eye (was actually kinda sorta watching the road while driving) I saw something brown where something clear should have been. Now if you know me, you know I’m a coffee fiend. My first sleepy thought was “Why is there coffee in my water bottle.” ¬†I almost had the bottle to my lips when a memory flashed before me and I almost veered off the road in a moment of pure “EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!” This is what I saw:

Image

Let’s put aside the fact that I’m shedding…. Do ya’ll see what I see? EEEEWWWWWWWW!!!! So gross!!! Yes, this is an impromptu spit cup. I lent my cowboy my car last night (his truck is in the shop) so he could run over to the barn and he apparently found another use for my almost empty water bottle. Cowboys (well, all users of smokeless tobacco products) can apparently make a spittoon out of anything (see my top 10 list on Tales from the Toploader). ¬†He obviously forgot to remove his new spit cup from the premises of my car upon his exit last night.

Life Lesson Learned: If you lend a cowboy your vehicle, check all liquid holding receptacles for evidence of being turned into a spittoon before sipping.  

I am just thankful it was a clear water bottle and not a cup….I sometimes take water to my car in a plastic cup. I’m not sure I would have forgiven him if I had swallowed his tobacco spit. ¬†Thank the Lord, I wasn’t that out of it that early in the morning.

Anyone else run into a similar situation? Or have any other words of cowboy wisdom for us? Please share!

Crazy Little Annie comment: I have no advice. But I’ve been known to down a beer just to give up my can as a spit cup. For a select few. And by few, I mean one. #warmfuzzies #sharingiscaring

Tales from the top-loader…

So some people tend to think the life of a bullrider is always exciting and awesome–and it probably is…. However, it’s not so awesome for those of us lowly other people in their lives. ¬†I date an old bullrider, whose son is a current (injured) rider. ¬†This weekend I had the pleasure of doing 10 loads of laundry left behind by a handful of bullriders. Now before you all think “What a bunch of turds for leaving all that dirty laundry….” the washing machine broke Memorial Day weekend and D (my boyfriend) just now got around to replacing it. I didn’t¬†have to do the laundry, either. I mean, no one forced me to do laundry. I could have left it for said bullriders to do this week. However, the house was beginning to smell ranker than Asteroid bucks, so I knew I had to do something quick (before I died from inhaling the fumes and mildew).

In 24 hours, I did 10 loads of laundry–eight of which were towels. You see, bullriders usually take their jeans and shirts to the cleaners to get starched up just right so I was left with towels, swimsuits, boxer briefs and a few random t-shirts. ¬†Since doing laundry is pretty boring, I decided to amuse myself by making random “scientific” observations and conclusions about bullriders as a general whole.

Here are the top 10 things I learned from doing laundry for bullriders….in no real order:

10. They leave beer cans EVERYWHERE. Ok, that doesn’t have much to do with laundry, except that they actually left one in the laundry room.

9. Said empty beer cans will become spit cups once the beer is gone.

8. They must get their bullriding card pulled if they drink anything other than Lite beer. For example, Crazy Little Annie left most of a 12 pack of Shiner there a month ago, and most of it is still intact (except for what I drank. hehehe) This is in comparison to the lone Bud Light in a can tucked away in the back of the refrigerator.

Crazy Little Annie comment: I think the Shiner isn’t readily accessible. (Read: the Shiner isn’t the first thing you see when you open the fridge and/or not in one of the five coolers you can trip on in the backyard).¬†

7. Apparently bullriders believe in never using the same towel twice (see the part about 8 loads of towels).  They also apparently like to drop wet towels in random places.

Crazy Little Annie comment: I vote just go towel-less. 

Platinum Annie reply:¬† You know I agree with this. They pretty much ran around mostly naked on Memorial Day weekend, but I swear NV blushed when I eyed him critically and said “I think we need to establish a rule stating all bullriders must remain shirtless while on the property.” Well I said something to that effect. I¬†may¬† have had a beer (or 5) at that point.

CLA reply: Bless his heart.

6. They seem to prefer boxers and boxer briefs in a wide variety of colors and styles. No tighty whiteys here.

Crazy Little Annie comment: if they wear anything at all….wait, what?

5. Bullriders are tiny. I kept checking the boxers/boxer briefs for the Underroo’s label. ¬†I really thought some of these must belong to my boyfriend’s grandsons. Not the case. ¬†These guys are just skinny!!!

Crazy Little Annie comment: what she is saying is although a lot of them are very, very easy on the eyes. The don’t look like they stepped out of a Cat Johnson novel (a good friend of Rehab Ranch) or this:

Exhibit A

Platinum Annie response: This is so true. Our beloved scrawny cowboys look like they could still wear these:

4. They like their swimsuits….again, in a variety of colors and patterns. All are long/modest suits though. No speedos for these bullriders.

3. Apparently you¬†must own only super cool tshirts. This made sorting my boyfriend’s t’s from his son’s really easy. Cool shirt=P’s, normal average tshirt=D’s.

2. They’re tough enough to wear pink. Pink/blue plaid boxers, that is. Ok, ok, so¬†maybe¬†the boxers in question weren’t originally blue/pink plaid before I washed them…they are now. Ooops! (My bad—didn’t realize a red tshirt had snuck into that batch of clothes.) So let’s not make fun of them for wearing pink boxers…not their fault!

1. Bullriders get extra points for ingenuity. After running out of towels, they got their friend (whose dad works for the Rangers) to bring over a huge stack of Texas Ranger rally rags. Since the bullriders are skinny, the rally rags worked quite well as towels.

Crazy Little Annie comment: *shakes head*

And there you have it—my grand “scientific” observations/conclusions about bullriders that I came to at some point during the 10 loads of laundry. I’ll let ya’ll know if I come across any other earth-shattering conclusions about those boys in the future. ūüôā

Crazy Little Annie comment: I love us.