Happy National Tequila Day!

Happy National Tequila Day, readers! Crazy Little Annie loves her some tequila. Joe Nichols even wrote a song about it. You wanna hear it, here it go:

Though Kenny best sums up how I feel about it these days:

“When it comes to you
Oh, the damage I could do
It’s always your favorite sins
That do you in…”

*sigh* anyway…as much as I love a good tequila shot, it’s either gonna make my clothes fall of or I get fired up and cry. One never knows which way  it will go. But this sums it up well:

I think I am still missing bits and pieces from a night the RR gang spent out on the town a few weeks ago. The last time I did tequila, no less. Whoops.

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With all the talk of rodeo and cowboys, of course I thought of you…

A couple of weeks ago I got an email from one of my LA girls (also named Nikki, which means she’s fabulous) with the subject line “Random and possibly inappropriate question”.

Of course my first thought was, okay…you’ve got my attention.

This email asked if 1. I’d read 50 Shades of Grey and 2. If I had enjoyed it and since I like rodeo (read: cowboys), had I heard of the Rough Riders series. Huh, well that’s funny. The author, Lorelei James, is going on a girls trip I’m taking for PBR Nashville in September. So, yeah…I might have heard of it. And I might be about to start book six in the series, but it’s whatever.

Her response?

“With all the talk about rodeos and cowboys, of course I thought of you.  That’s so cool that you’re going to meet her.  Maybe you can become a character in her next book!! ”

Go ahead readers, have a field day with that. Cause I know you will. I am looking at you, Shannon.

Platinum Annie:  I think you could teach Lorelei a thing or six… Sidenote: When I read Cat Johnson books I think of either myself or Nikki at some various stage in our life. It’s like that woman lives in our drunken memories.

Anyhow, I got another email from Nikki today. She’s apparently flown through the Rough Riders series and is “ready to start dressing her husband in wranglers and a cowboy hat and tell him to call her Little Darlin’”

Please note her husband reminds me of Kelly Slater, the professional (and hot) surfer. So I’d pay money to see that, but moving on…

She seems to be very excited about all of my upcoming PBR-related trips (I don’t think I’ve told here there are THREE of them, she might explode). These were her words of advice:

1. While at the PBR, if you meet a cowboy with the last name McKay, for the love of god sleep with him!  I don’t care if it’s just one night, it will apparently be mind blowing and worth whoring it up for the night

If I meet a real-life McKay, it won’t be just for one night, Little Darlin’. You can bet on THAT.

PA: hmmmm…. I haven’t met a McKay, but I’ve met McOneNightStand and McFling and (sorry, protecting the names of the naughty)  Side note: McFling rocked my world. <dreamy sigh> Now there’s a night worthy of plotting in one of Lorelei’s or Cat’s books.

2. Don’t be afraid of ropes or bull whips

I got this.

PA:  Yes, ropes and whips are easier to handle than handcuffs and chains…or so I hear. Horse reins work nicely too. Wait, did I say that out loud? Snap!

3. Take lots and lots of pictures because I want to see these cowboys!

Um, I’ll see what I can do.

PA: 1) Wait, what?  Pictures of your night with 50? Wouldn’t that be a bit tmi to give to a friend? Cuz we know they’d be porno pics.

2) Do we need to discuss the rule about no photographic evidence that can come back to haunt you, Crazy  Little Annie? 

3) Oh wait, does she just mean pictures of hot cowboys? Cuz we can get her those while visiting Rehab Ranchette & Laundromat–no event necessary.

CLA: or…4) WTH have you met me?! No photographic evidence EVER. And you know I’m not allowed to “put anything on the computer”. *eye roll* She just means pictures of the cowboys. We gots those. 

AND FOR THE RECORD, READERS, THERE HAS BEEN NO NIGHT WITH 50. #thatisall

Anyhow, Nikki’s parting words were…”girl, if I would’ve known about this earlier, I would’ve set my college major to buckle bunny.”

PA: Yes, if I’d only know not to waste my youth playing with the Dallas kinda cowboys and had discovered real cowboys sooner…. Snap! There I go again writing things out loud! 

Damn, I love my friends.

PA: I love your friend too. And I love us. The End.

I’m sorry…what?

Before last Friday I’ve had my cards read twice. Cards…as in tarot. And although I know to take it all with a grain of salt, those two previous readings were wickedly accurate and it’s just so much fun! The first was when I was around 26, still lived in Dallas, and it was just a general reading of who I was and random things about my future. I was with two co-workers so the questions didn’t get to specific. The second was when I was about 28, lived in Los Angeles, and was absolutely positively miserable in my marriage. That reading was RIDICULOUSLY accurate about many things. I still look a bit like Bambi in headlights when I think about it.

There are varying beliefs on anything to do with astrology, this I’m very aware. But seriously y’all, to each his own. I don’t swear by every detail of a card reading. But I do highly believe it’s a good way to jump start and refresh your mojo. This is what I desperately needed after the funk I was in for two or three weeks. My friend B told me about a reader she has been to a few times and each “one-hour session” ends up being a two-three hour life coaching experience. Needless to say, upon hearing that I picked up the phone and made an appointment. Sign a bitch up!

I am not going into details, because I don’t feel like sharing too much of it…it’s kinda like telling someone what you wished for while blowing out your birthday candles! And we know how I feel about birthdays.

Here’s what you need to know. Because it’s amazing.

1. My husband is in oil and gas and comes from a very well-established Dallas family.

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My first response was, wait…I’m not going to marry Dierks Bentley? Bummer.

Platinum Annie: Well, at least you won’t be a husband stealing wench then, since DB is already married. #brightside  Though you would have made beautiful babies with DB…<dreamy sigh>

My mother’s response was “oh you’re going to marry one of those Ewing boys.” Yes mother, since they’re real. In all seriousness, the Ewings are based off of a real Dallas family. So of course their (actual) name has come up every time I have told a Dallas friend about this. Folks, I have a better chance of becoming President of the United States than marrying into that particular family. Besides…they’re batshit crazy.

Platinum Annie: Hey, hey  now….remember:

Funny Weekend Ecard: Here in the South, we don't hide crazy. We parade it on the front porch and give it a cocktail.

Platinum Annie cont.: We take pride in our crazies… But I understand not wanting to be married to (another) one.

But I’m super glad Dear Hubby comes with money, because…

Platinum Annie: I’m super glad he comes with money too. Cuz as I much as I love cowboys, most don’t have any money. This means I’m counting on your hubby to finance our future spa weekends.

2. I am going to have twins.

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Quit laughing because the freaky deaky part you need to know about this? She’s the SECOND, not the first, but the second card reader that has told me I will have twins. The first one actually said possibly triplets, but I put an end to that pretty fast. I told her to re-read that shit. What’s hilarious is I’ve always thought I would have twins, for no reason in particular and they don’t even run in my part of the family…I’ve just always thought so. Cause I’m clearly insane.

Platinum Annie: So if they’re girls, there names will incorporate Annie and our middle names, right?  Oh the fun we’ll have decorating on your hubby’s budget!

So Readers, have Y’ALL ever had your cards read? And will you come to my baby (I’m sorry, babies) shower?

Platinum Annie:  I’ve never done the card reading, but I did a numerology thing once. She was right about my 20s and 30s so far. Holding out hope for the rest cuz apparently I get rich in my late 40s/50s. <fingers crossed> Winnebago traveling, here I come! (I’m guessing that’s what you do when you get money in your 50s???)

Prince wrote a song about it…

And no, I ain’t talking about Darling Nikki! Since I’ve NEVER been called that. But this one, right here…wanna hear it, here it go…

Platinum Annie and I have discussed Pussy Control (not the song, the actual thing) quite a bit this week. The lesson of the day (#LOTD) today is, never underestimate the power of the pussy. It can do many magical things. It can get men to participate in a woman’s scheme unknowingly, it can cause a man to show up somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be until the next day or stay in a relationship that makes me want to bang my  head up against a wall…basically it can cause a man to go desperate and stupid. Without knowing it. And it’s AWESOME. But we’ve not always been aware, or at least open, about this. You know, about sex. And that we like it. And we use it.

We are all familiar with the Sexual Revolution that started in the 60s and continued into the 80s. And of course there is Women’s Lib and feminist movements that have morphed along generations. Although this has been an integral part of women’s history, there is still room for improvement in many areas. I’m not going to get into salary differences and the long list of other double standards. I am just talking about sexuality in general. And in my personal opinion, nothing did more for modern-day women being open about their sexuality than Sex and the City. Between the words that came out of Samantha’s mouth and the Rabbit making its appearance, it was ON.

Now fast forward to 2012.

I am fully convinced this is the year men must accept that we are just as filthy as they are. And we are much smarter about it.

I do not want to get into an argument over 50 Shades here, as that’s not what we’re here for and we like to keep things happy, happy, happy. But I personally loved it and much like when SATC was new, women are talking again…and talking dirty.

And today? Today is opening day of Magic Mike. And we are taking out 50 Shades of Filthy right to the box office. I’ve been in the movie business for 16 years, so I know a thing or two. I know that this industry is still ran by ignorant old geezers, which means there aren’t enough prints of MM out there. They didn’t think it would do well. So, Ted will more than likely win by default based on print count, but it’s going to be extremely close.

And that?

That’s Pussy Control.

You’re welcome. 

You *know* I (Platinum Annie) had to weigh in on this subject:


Part of me wants to go into the fact that the sexual revolution started WAY before the 60s….We were actually not near as repressed in the 1920s as we were in the 1950s (a lot of great women’s erotica came out in the 20s). But that’s a whole other history lesson/blog.  I think we’ve come far enough that SOCIETY–both men AND other women should accept our sexual revolution and embrace it this year. Unfortunately, who have I seen protest the most about “Magic Mike”—WOMEN!  From what I’ve seen on FB anyway…  But this is a happy place, so I won’t get into any arguments… Except for:

Seriously????  When you have the choice of watching a teddy bear take on lifelike characteristics such as drinking beer and using a public urinal OR watch hot guys take off their clothes….This seems to be a no-brainer. Those movie people need to hire Rehab Ranch as consultants. And who the hell thought up this movie? Seems to me that a twisted screenwriter whose mommy locked him in the closet got a little too attached to his teddy bear, did an acid trip and came up with this plotline. And big movie people honestly think this will out-sell Magic Mike (shaking head)????  What kinda crack are they smoking?

Crazy Little Annie comment:  it’s from the creator of Family Guy, hence why it will do well.

Personally, I did not get into 50 Shades… but to each her own. I prefer the naughty novels of Cat Johnson and I’ve been told I need to download some Lorelei James ASAP.  I’d like to see “Magic Mike”…don’t know if I’ll be able to or not….may just have to amuse myself watching half-naked cowboys run around instead.

Crazy Little Annie comment: hell, I read them all. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to written smut. Not ashamed.

So let me just put it out there… I am a grown woman. And I like sex. I like to read erotic novels and look at half naked men–whether on the big screen or in real life. And I’m not ashamed of it. I’d love to hear from our sister Annies and how ya’ll feel about the subject. Who’s with me?? Let’s make 2012 the Year of Women (and their Sexuality). Who else is loud and proud? Please reply.

 Crazy Little Annie comment: ooh, ooh me me! I wrote a blog about it!

Happy happy happy

As Platinum Annie can tell you, I have spent the last few weeks trying not to throw myself off of a damn building. My life is in a bit of a holding pattern right now, till the Good Lord decides to shift gears. And I’m not always okay with that, as I’m an obsessive compulsive planner (read: control freak) and I need everything to go my way. Right now.

When everything seems like it’s a disaster, it’s typically the little things in life that make you happy. I’ve noticed the past few days I must start my day with two things: Tim Hortons coffee and Ryan Bingham.

I have a sick obsession with Canada that stems from my serious hockey fandom days (high school and college). I’ve lived in Texas and California my whole life, yet have never been to Mexico, but have been to Canada…TWICE. Halifax and Calgary are two of my favorite places I’ve ever been. And Banff is just heaven on earth. During said visits I picked up a nasty habit…the Timbit. Sure, they’re just a varietal of donut holes to the average eye. But to those who’ve had them, they are crack coated balls of goodness. Yes, that’s what she said.

Timmy also has good coffee, which our girlfriend Charlene brings me every time she makes it to Tejas. She also brings me ketchup chips, which…that’s a whole other post, my friends. I recently discovered (thanks to Platinum Annie) the My K-Cup device, which allows me to use my stored up Timmy’s coffee in me Keurig (aka the greatest invention ever). This makes me happy…very happy.

And whilst sipping in my Timmy’s and driving to the sweatshop, I put on a little Bingham and life is good for seven whole miles.

“Take me to see the voodoo queen, let her put a spell on me…a little bit of change will ease my pain”

XO, Crazy Little Annie

Platinum Annie:  I couldn’t resist adding my two cents. 

Lots of things make me happy. Most recently, it was a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper made with Imperial Sugar:

Talk about a little slice of Heaven around 3 p.m.  Perfection in a can!!! (It’s a Southern thing folks).

I have so many things/people that make me happy. I have a great cowboy in my life, the most amazing daughter to walk the planet, awesome friends, family I can count on, a new job I love and the knowledge that God loves me in spite of myself! Other things that make me extremely happy include the music of King George, my high heel collection (it’s truly fab, but that’s another blog on its own), junk food, a cold beer on a hot day, etc.  But there are some intangible things….stuff you can’t exactly reach out and touch that make me happiest. First and foremost of those is the sound of my daughters giggles:

 L lost her hearing when she was 2 (docs don’t really know why). Even though she can’t hear herself giggle, she lives her life to the fullest and giggles happily at the simplest things–such as getting a kiss from her friend Callie.  This has to be the thing that makes me happiest. I love the sound of her giggles…it’s infectious.  Makes me instantly happy no matter how bad a day I’m having. Other, lesser  intangible things that make me happy include bonding with characters in a good book series, the sight of freshly baled hay as I drive down the highway (ok, I could probably reach and touch them, but it’s Texas–I’d either get shot for trespassing or stroke out from the heat), the smell of rain, the sight of baby calves interacting with their mamas (again, I could probably reach out and touch the cattle, but I value my life, so let’s call it an intangible), and the peace I feel every time I’m out on the ranch riding with my cowboy while he drives the mule all around the property checking things out.

There’s so many more things that make me happy. And I’m sure ya’ll will hear about them as we go along with this blog.

This post has been part of the Happiness Is… Blog Hop hosted by Rub Some Dirt On It.